January 19, 2020
“Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard. I’m going back to the start…”
I feel like this part of my favorite Coldplay song pretty much sums up the way I feel after getting our results from last treatment cycle last month. Hearing the nurse tell me that it was negative made my heart sink so low. I knew our infertility journey wasn’t going to be easy but man I didn’t realize it would be this hard. Tomorrow we are going back to the start. Starting a new treatment cycle with new drugs, more shots and high hopes that next month will be different. I figured I would update everyone on last month and what will be going on this month! So lets begin…
I am not going to lie our first treatment cycle last month was a total rollercoaster! From being pumped full of hormones and having some epic meltdowns haha to tests and doctors visits you never really know what might get throw at you next! After finishing the hormone medications we found out I had a rare side effect from Clomid that made made my uterus lining waaaay to thin (like 4mm when it’s supposed to be 10mm) so we almost couldn’t finish the treatment which was also pretty devastating and led to another epic meltdown haha! After more labs our doctor decided pumped me up with more hormones for 3 days to give us a hell Mary and hopefully thicken up the lining and IT WORKED!! We found out we only had one egg which was also slightly disappointing because the medication dosage should have given us 2-3 increasing our odds of pregnancy. But it only takes one so we moved forward with the IUI. After the IUI we waited two weeks. It was a great two weeks! We dreamed a lot about parenthood: Would our kids look like Hudson or me? How would we tell everyone? When would we be due? And a ton of other amazing things that made my heart super hopeful and excited for the potential that treatment worked❤️ When we did our blood draw Friday I was pretty confident that we would have good news. When the nurse called I knew the second I heard her voice we weren’t pregnant💔
After the sad news was delivered we went straight into discussing our next treatment cycle. It’s crazy y’all! I feel like things move at lightening speed here which is mostly good but it can be hard to process the disappointment in two days then know you need to have a total mindset shift to optimism and hopefulness by day three to conquer our next treatment cycle! But I’m glad that we don’t have to wait too long or have too much time to wallow.
Our next treatment plan is different for this month! I am switching to a new drug called Letrozole that hopefully won’t give me the side effect Clomid did and we are adding Gonal F shots to hopefully give us 2-3 eggs by our day 10 ultrasound. The shots make me a little nervous but Hudson’s encouraging words when I gave myself the one trigger shot last treatment makes me think I can do 6 more this time😂👌🏼 He is the best!! Maybe I’ll even convince him to give it to me this time;)
I think it goes without saying that we are sad, broken hearted, disappointed, and feeling all the feels that it didn’t work. If I am super transparent I feel really fragile but the second we found out I also felt an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort. I may never know why this is our journey but I do know that God is aware and in the details. He knows we are ready for parenthood and has a perfect plan. We will continue to move forward with hope and patience. While we wait we will continue to share and hopefully help those also struggling! We love you guys!
Hudson and Kylee and Creed